


Tried to tie my heart down

by kageyamayama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Pining, Roommates, Sexual Frustration, Underage Drinking, dorm room parties, i wanna say friends to lovers but im not sure yet, kageyama is an art student, the adventures of tiny gay hinata
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-04-16 12:49:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4625904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kageyamayama/pseuds/kageyamayama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata and Kageyama happen to end up as roommates in university. They are basically opposites and even their friendship seems doomed to end before it even begins. The world has something planned for them though, something neither could have expected. Self-indulgent University AU full of pining, shenanigans, misunderstandings and all our Karasuno favourites (and maybe some guests from other teams too)</p><p>The rating will change for later chapters as the story goes on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Someone new

**Author's Note:**

> The name of the fic is from "Force of Nature" by Bea Miller, its a really sweet song and I imagine its how Kageyama would see Hinata. Chapter title is from Someone New by Hozier. 
> 
> I don't know how long this fic will be but at the moment i have 4 chapters planned so this might be a longer lasting one! Un beta'd so please do tell me if there are any mistakes. The university and surroundings are made up as I'm really bad at navigating university websites.

He’s sitting on the front seat of his moms car, the rest of the car is stock full of boxes. His boxes. It takes him a while to realize he’s really going to university, and not just university but university in Tokyo. The big city is getting closer, and as they drive towards his final destination the butterflies in his stomach begin settling to the bottom, forming a knot. This is such a big change and while its exciting and exhilarating it is also new and terrifying and Hinata doesn’t know anyone there.

The rambling in his brain comes to a halt as his mother wakes him from his reverie by stopping the car. Why had they stopped?

Hinata looked around. They were there. Tall buildings made of sand colored bricks rose towards the sky and students milled around under high archways made of pale marble. Months and months of waiting had finally come to and end and now it didn’t feel so good anymore. He doesn’t really know if he wants to step out of the car. Hinata’s mom shakes him a bit. 

“Are you okay? We should probably start taking stuff to your room.”

He nods and smiles at his mother, getting out of the car.

They make it to the reception and he gets a set of keys. He’ll be sharing with another boy, that much he knows, but as he and his mother set out to bring his stuff up to the room there is no sign of his prospective roommate. He supposes the other boy might just be moving in later that day, and finishes unpacking the car with his mother with surprising speed. 

He’s now sitting on the bed, surrounded by boxes, the bare mattress and bare walls feeling foreign as he chokes back tears. He gives his mother one last hug and as he says goodbye his voice cracks. 

An hour later, all of his belongings are where they belong and his sheets are on the bed and the room still feels as foreign as it did when it was bare. Still no sign of his elusive roommate either. He reaches down under his bed to retrieve a chocolate bar he’d packed. He didn’t quite feel ready to brave this new world and go eat somewhere. Maybe he could go eat later with his roommate? That is if the guy ever showed up. 

He got up to go see where the bathrooms were and seconds after opening the door he was getting a face full of black t-shirt. He collided into the stranger’s chest with a muffled “oomph” and staggered back. 

“Sorry, I didn’t realize someone was coming in!” He said quickly as he retreated and looked up into the darkest blue eyes he’d ever seen. The boy was at least a head taller than him, short black hair framing his face as he glowered down at Hinata. 

Good job, Hinata thought to himself. He’d already managed to piss off his roommate.

“Again, I’m sorry!” Hinata said as he retreated further to sit on the bed as the stranger set down the bag he had been carrying. A few minutes later two movers walked up with a bunch of boxes and set them down. They came and went a few times and then Hinata and the dark haired boy were alone in the silence.

“Tobio, Kageyama Tobio.” The boy said and looked at Hinata.

“Hinata Shouyou!” Hinata said and smiled tentatively at the other boy. He didn’t smile back.

Hinata tried to rationalize in his head that the stranger was probably just as nervous as Hinata and that there was no way that this Kageyama already hated him after just meeting him but still the feeling of failing at the first thing he tried to do at university felt crushing. His shoulders started slumping and he dug out his phone to distract himself from the feeling of dread at sharing a room with someone who clearly didn’t want to talk to him past introductions. 

The silence was driving Hinata crazy but he couldn’t exactly turn on music lest he piss of his roommate even more, and besides, the silence didn’t seem to bother Kageyama as he began unpacking and setting up his side of the room.

After half an hour of scrolling his phone and stealing glances at his roommate Hinata was about to implode. He was a naturally talkative person and being this quiet and subdued made his skin jump, his heart beat in his chest like he needed to run a few laps to rid himself of his nervous energy. It was too much and so Hinata spoke up, steadying his voice.

“What are you studying?” He tried for a friendly tone, if this roommate didn’t like him he was at least going to be as nice as he could to him. 

“Art.”

It was a short answer, but still, a victory in Hinata’s mind. He didn’t see any point in waiting for Kageyama to ask him anything back so he continued: 

“I’m doing biology!”

Silence.

Then a nod from Kageyama. If Hinata was alone he would’ve punched the air. Maybe he had been right and Kageyama was just a quiet person. Maybe he hadn’t ruined it all.

“I’m really hungry so I’m gonna go eat something soon, do you want to come with me? I don’t know anyone here so I was just gonna wander around and I know you probably have better things to do but-“  
“Yeah sure. “ Kageyama interrupted. “Give me a few minutes I’ll change and we can go.”

The nerves began to seep out. He was going to be ok. Then Kageyama took his shirt off to change.

Oh dear lord. Hinata was most definitely not going to be ok. How had he not noticed Kageyama’s arms earlier? Maybe the sweatshirt he had been wearing before had obscured his defined biceps but now Hinata definitely saw that there was no way Kageyama just sat inside all day and drew. 

Even with a quick glance Hinata could tell that the other boy played some kind of sports, just by the strong sinewy movement of his back muscles as he reached for another shirt. He was now both dying to ask what Kageyama did for sports as well as blushing furiously. Maybe he could sneak the question to a conversation later. 

 

A brisk walk later the boys were sitting at a pizza place both chewing thankfully at pieces of cheesy pizza. The silence wasn’t so bad now, as they were both preoccupied with eating the first few slices until the feeling of screaming hunger subsided. 

“So, what kind of art do you do?” Hinata asked after sipping some more coke from the tall glass on the table. 

Kageyama calmly finished chewing his piece of pizza and then answered:

“I enjoy watercolours a lot.”

Hinata would never have pegged Kageyama, the tall and dark and broody boy to be into watercolours. It seemed his roommate was full of surprises.

Hinata hid his surprise well and nodded eagerly, starting to ramble about why he had picked biology. Fifteen minutes later and he had actually made Kageyama laugh already! 

Hinata didn’t know if it was the warm food, or the relief of finishing his first day at university, or making his first friend, but he felt giddy and happy, the knot at the bottom of his stomach forgotten for now. 

The boys started their journey back to the dorms as the sun began setting. It wasn’t too late yet but Hinata was sure that they would both want to relax on their own in the dorm and prepare for classes starting tomorrow. The silence that hung between them as they walked was almost friendly, even though it still felt a bit heavy to Hinata. There was so much he didn’t know about Kageyama, and though the fear of fucking it all up was ever present in his brain he let himself be happy in this moment, the slight breeze ruffling his bright orange hair. 

Hinata falls asleep in the pale orange light streaming from Kageyama’s desk, listening to the soft scratch of his roommate’s pencil against the coarse paper of his sketchbook.


	2. I want him but we're not right

Morning comes and Hinata drags himself to the communal showers. He has no idea when Kageyama has class, but Hinata figured he probably had a later start, as he had still been sleeping when Hinata left.

The calm unguarded sleeping face of his roommate left a little ache in his heart, and that scared him. He had known this guy for about a day now, and was already beginning to feel the tell-tale signs of another stupid crush. This always happened to him. Whenever he’d meet a guy that was his type and would treat him like a person he started developing feelings for them. Mostly those feelings went away with time, but they still left Hinata in a continuous spiral of having unrequited crushes. Maybe he was one of those guys who only liked straight guys, only not on purpose?

These thoughts ran through Hinata’s head over and over as he showered quickly. Maybe he was just over-reacting. In all likelihood his mixed feelings about Kageyama would settle as they lived together, and he could even tell Kageyama years from now and they would laugh at it together. That was a comforting thought.

Meanwhile back in their dorm Kageyama was getting up. He yawned and stretched his arms up, suddenly self-concious of how exposed his chest was. He looked over to find Hinata’s bed empty and thus felt no shame in getting up and fixing himself a cup of tea, settling onto his bed balancing the cup, his sketchbook, and his phone. It looked like Hinata’s bag was gone too, which meant he wouldn’t have to change into actual clothes for a while.

He began sketching Hinata’s face out of memory, trying to capture the animated moment at the pizza parlor when he had tried to explain something about genetic mutation in sea urchins. Everything about Hinata was so fascinating to Kageyama. Yesterday he had been too nervous to really say anything at first, and then when he’d properly seen Hinata and interacted with him it felt almost harder to say anything for fear of messing up. Hinata was eager and adorable and could probably very easily become insufferable, but something about him was so radiant Kageyama couldn’t look away.

It was in the midst of these thoughts that Hinata stepped into the room, wearing jeans and a towel around his neck, no shirt. Their eyes met across the room, realizing each others various states of undress, and a blush started creeping down Kageyama’s chest. He was about to get up and change as fast as he could but Hinata opened his mouth and Kageyama couldn’t pay attention to anything else.

“Oh you’re up! I was wondering when your classes started but I didn’t want to wake you up, you looked so peaceful.” Hinata started, trying to be as non-chalant as he could while internally freaking out that he had just seen his roommate in his boxers, hair still a bit mussed from sleep. This was torture. 

“Yeah, I’ve got class at 10 but I’m so used to getting up for early morning practice that its become a habit.” Kageyama replied as Hinata busied himself looking for a clean shirt to put on. 

“Oh, what practice?” Hinata asked, turning around triumphantly wearing a clean shirt.

“Volleyball. I played on my high schools team.” Kageyama got up now too, shifting his sketchbook onto his bed and turning around to look for jeans.

“I played volleyball too! Wait don’t tell me- I wanna guess which position you played…” Hinata began excitedly. He crossed his arms in front of him and made a “hmm” sound, but his eyes wandered and landed on Kageyama’s sketchbook and distracted him.

“Wait is that me?” He asked with a squeak as Kageyama turned around, now fully dressed.

A look of mortification passed Kageyama’s features and he rushed to close the sketchbook. He shouldn’t have left it open. Hinata was going to think he was some kind of creep just drawing his roommate after they’d only just met.

“Its so good though, please let me see it closer?” Hinata whined, looking up at Kageyama with wide puppy-dog eyes. He couldn’t resist. 

“Fine, but only for a second.” Kageyama said resigned to his fate. He looked down and shoved the sketchbook into Hinata’s hands, stalking over to his bed and cleaning up the stuff he had left there. He could never watch people react to his work. It felt like they were looking straight into his mind, it was unnerving and Kageyama hated feeling so bare, exposed. His tea was on the table and had gotten almost cold. It was undrinkable, he realized with a sigh.

“These are all really good! No wonder you’re majoring in art!” Hinata exclaimed, having clearly looked at more than just the one sketch.

“Thank you.” Kageyama muttered and took the sketchbook back. He wasn’t good at taking compliments, let alone ones as enthusiastic as Hinata’s.

“You better draw me again sometime dude, that looked so cool!” Hinata mused as he packed his biology books into a messenger bag.

Oh I will, Kageyama thought to himself. 

 

…

 

It had been two weeks and Hinata realized he was cursed. Pictures of Kageyama’s sweet sleepy face, the gracefulness of his long fingers, the muscles of his tensing back, they all plagued his dreams. Not only did he suffer from this, but he also felt like Kageyama really didn’t like him. He was so quiet, and often got annoyed at Hinata who liked being loud. They were still only new friends and Hinata could tell that Kageyama was holding back his annoyance, but something about being on Kageyama’s bad side made Hinata’s heart sink. He could only hope that by the end of the semester they would know each other well enough for Kageyama to not have to hold back his words.

…

 

Hinata took biology classes, obviously, but he also had some required classes he had to go to in order to pass. One of these classes was mathematics. He could understand why he needed statistics for biological research, sure, but what he didn’t understand was why it had to be so boring. The teacher was old and graying and spoke in such a slow way that by the end of the lesson Hinata was jumping out of his seat just to get out and do something. 

During his first week he had made a few friends, mostly from the biology department. There was however the guy he sat next to in math. He was tall, had wiry glasses he used when he was reading the textbook, and long brown hair that was always in a bun. He seemed really antsy and shy but Hinata had taken it upon himself to get to know the guy. A few lessons later he knew the boy’s name (It was Asahi) and had even made him laugh. Asahi was a third year student but he needed this math credit to graduate, and so he stuck out like a sore thumb in the middle of all the first years. Someone had even thought he was the teacher at one point.

He saw Asahi around campus sometimes, and there was always a shorter boy with him. Asahi told him it was his best friend Nishinoya. 

“You guys would get along really great, he’s full of energy just like you.” Asahi said with a smile after the lesson of the day was over. Hinata’s stomach was grumbling but he wanted to stay just for a moment to talk to Asahi a bit more. It was getting tiring just being quiet in his dorm room. 

“Oh, Nishinoya told me to invite you!” Asahi said hurriedly.

“Invite me where?” Hinata said, his forehead scrunching up in surprise. 

“We are having a small party in our dorm, or rather, Nishinoya is having a party. Something about surviving the first two weeks of university.” Asahi mumbled. Hinata’s face lit up.

“A party? Sounds so cool Asahi. I’m definitely coming!” Hinata replied, already trying to imagine if it was going to be just like the college parties he’d seen in movies. People always danced and there were red cups and someone ended up having sex in the guest bedroom. Though, this was not America so maybe that was not how things were going to turn out.  
He said goodbye to Asahi, thanking him again for the invitation. Two more days, if he could survive two more days he would be able to wind down and forget about Kageyama for a moment. 

 

Friday came around sooner than expected and Hinata was now getting dressed in his room. He still had 15 minutes to the party starting so he was trying to make the right choice with what to wear. He went with his favourite pair of jeans, a soft old t-shirt and a flannel his mother had insisted on buying him when they had been shopping for school supplies earlier that month. Remembering that trip made Hinata smile, but a quick glance at the clock showed him he had to hurry.

He arrived at the dorm building with minutes to spare and made his way upstairs. He could hear some music, and the door was open so it was easy enough to find the right room. Inside a surprising amount of people were milling around. The door to the room opposite the hall was also open, and a large picnic table was propped up in it with food and drinks. Hinata decided to try and find Asahi first, and then get a drink. 

He scanned the room and his eyes fell on Asahi. There, in the corner, holding a glass in his hand and talking to Nishinoya. Hinata walked over.

“Hi guys!” Hinata said, unsure of if he had just interrupted something. 

“Hinataa! So glad you could make it!” Nishinoya said and clapped him on the back. 

“You’ve met Asahi, obviously.” The short boy continued, the excitement evident in his eyes. 

“This is actually Asahi’s dorm room, the one with the drinks is mine and my roommate’s, wait, yeah, there he is!” Nishinoya spoke as he looked around the room.

“Tanaka! Over here!” He yelled to a taller boy with a buzz cut and a sleeveless shirt. Hinata was pretty sure he had never seen skinny jeans that tight.

“Hey whats up dude, cool hair!” Tanaka said, ruffling Hinata’s hair for a second and then extending his hand. 

“I’m Tanaka, but you can call me the tank.” The boy introduced himself and after Hinata’s introduction he was being dragged to the drinks table.

“So, pick your poison!” Tanaka laughed as he took a beer out of the cooler.

There were a few drinks to pick from. There was beer, but Hinata hated the smell of it, and then there was some kind of cider which looked quite good, and then there was punch in a large bowl on the table, but he didn’t quite know what was in it. He picked a cider and carefully opened it. He scrunched his face, ready for the aftertaste after the first sip, but it never came. Feeling victorious in finding a drink that actually tasted good, Hinata decided to go sit on the couch in Asahi’s room. 

He sat there for a while, nursing his drink and looking around. All kinds of people kept pouring in, getting drinks and settling to talk along the hallway and in the rooms. Hinata was two drinks in when he heard a familiar voice. He whipped his head around and, just as he had thought, Kageyama was here. And he looked good.

His roommate had clearly put some effort into his outfit, ditching the t-shirts and sweatpants he normally wore to wear skinny jeans and a Henley that hugged his wide shoulders. He wore a dark green beanie over his black hair and on any other person Hinata would have laughed at it, but on Kageyama it actually looked really good. Kageyama turned around now, eyes darting around the room. Hinata tried to duck and be as casual as possible, hoping Kageyama wouldn’t notice him. 

A few minutes later Kageyama appeared in front of him, eyeing the space on the couch beside Hinata.

“You can sit down you know.” Hinata mumbled, averting his eyes. Being with Kageyama made him feel antsy, little butterflies fluttering at the bottom of his stomach. 

Kageyama sat down, holding a cup of what seemed to be the punch. They started chatting, mostly because Hinata was deathly afraid of being quiet, hoping that talking would distract him from the nerves he felt being around Kageyama. He felt like he was being so obvious, with the way he looked at Kageyama, like everyone in the room could tell. They probably couldn’t, but in Hinata’s mind he might as well have had a giant neon sign over his head that read: “REALLY LIKES KAGEYAMA”. 

Turns out Kageyama had been invited by Tanaka. Apparently Tanaka had been modelling for a life-drawing class and had spied Kageyama’s old volleyball jacket. They ended up discussing the sport after almost every class and so Kageyama had been invited. 

“Asahi invited me! He should be somewhere here with his friend.” Hinata started scanning the room. 

“He’s tall with brown hair, have you seen him?” 

Kageyama looked around and soon enough his eyes fell on a guy that looked like what Hinata had been describing. Only he was definitely kissing someone. A guy, on closer look, quite short as was evident by him standing on his tiptoes, hands around the taller guys neck. 

“Do you mean that guy?” Kageyama asked, nudging Hinata and discreetly pointing to where the two guys were making out. Hinata looked over and nodded. 

“I guess they’re more than friends” Hinata laughed nervously. He had no idea how Kageyama felt about people being gay, and he tried to discreetly gauge Kageyama’s reaction to the two.

“Seems to be so.” Kageyama replied coolly, but smiled at Hinata. Hinata giggled. Kageyama laughed a bit. Soon they were both laughing, the awkward air around their discovery all but gone. 

This could be all right, Hinata thought. Just being friends with Kageyama. The thought vanished as Kageyama’s hand landed on his thigh. Hinata’s throat tightened, a nervous titter making its way out of his mouth.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom!” Kageyama said and got off the couch. That touch had been the friendliest possible, and probably the first time Kageyama had initiated any kind of physical contact with Hinata. Inside Hinata was battling. At the same time he was happy he and Kageyama were getting closer, but he was also extremely afraid that he would somehow blow his cover and end up scaring Kageyama away. He was already too loud, but he didn’t want to be loud and creepy.

He got up to get another drink and felt a slight lack of balance. He settled on his feet soon enough, silently thanking the universe that no one saw him. People already thought he was a lightweight based on how he looked, so confirming their suspicions would do him no good in his quest to seem cool. 

A glass of punch later and Kageyama was still nowhere to be seen. It had been at least 15 minutes. Hinata started drinking another glass of punch. Maybe Kageyama had just been really bored and bailed. Feeling relatively somber Hinata marched out to the other room to see if perhaps Kageyama had settled down somewhere else. 

 

Kageyama was sitting in a far corner with another boy. They were talking, though the brown haired boy seemed to be doing most of the talking while Kageyama nodded politely, the faintest hint of a scowl on his face. Though, maybe that was his natural look. The boy’s hand was sitting on Kageyama’s thigh, and he was feeling rather uncomfortable about it.

“Oikawa, I’m sorry, I really do have to go!” Kageyama pleaded, trying to sound like it was a pity he had to leave. The boy had just basically ambushed him when he had stepped out of the bathrooms and continued talking to him for the last fifteen minutes. It was clear he was drunk, not enough to slur his words but enough to wiggle his eyebrows and flirt. Kageyama wanted to leave but the words of his high school friends echoed in his mind. 

“You’re so rude Kageyama.”

“No one wants to be your friend.”

“You should stop scowling so much you’re scaring everyone away.”

He wanted to start over, had promised himself he would be more approachable and friendly in university, and so he didn’t want to come off as rude to this stranger.

Kageyama got up, and the boy seemed to have realized Kageyama really did have to go. He flailed a bit, standing up and dusting imaginary lint off the shoulders of Kageyama’s Henley.

“Wait, at least let me give you my number!” Oikawa winked, extending his hand to receive Kageyama’s phone. Begrudgingly Kageyama handed it over. Oikawa typed in his number and name, adding a winky-face beside it. Kageyama sighed inwardly. He was really not planning to call this guy. Hell, he didn’t even know if he liked guys. Sexuality had always been such a confusing thing for him, and though a part of him felt like he would never figure it out, he was pretty sure that even if he did like guys this guy was not his type. 

He took his phone back and looked around. He spotted Hinata over by the door and started walking towards him. He felt a jolt as Oikawa grabbed his hand, pulling him back towards the smirking boy.

“Have a great evening.” Oikawa whispered into his ear, his breath hot against Kageyama’s skin. 

“You too.” Kageyama said and yanked his hand out of Oikawa’s grasp. Hinata was looking at him now, and he walked over smiling with relief.

“Who was that?” Hinata asked, his eyes settling on Kageyama’s features easily. The dimple in his cheek when he smiled, the way his eyebrows knit together when he was about to say something that annoyed him.

“Just a guy.” Kageyama said, not feeling the energy needed to explain the whole story. 

“Well, “just a guy” is still staring at you, or rather, at your ass.” Hinata giggled and wiggles his eyebrows at Kageyama. His brain felt slower, muddled, and he tried grabbing air as a bout of dizziness came over him. That last glass of punch might have been too much. Kageyama’s hand settled on his shoulder to steady him, and Hinata let himself enjoy the warmth seeping from Kageyama’s grasp. His eyelids started to feel heavy. 

“I’mm probably gonna, uh, go?” Hinata ended with a high note, not wanting to embarrass himself any more as he was clearly drunk. He was lucky he didn’t start slurring until he was about to pass out, so maybe Kageyama didn’t notice how drunk he really was.

“I’ll go too.” Kageyama replied and dragged Hinata out of the door. They stumbled, or rather, Hinata stumbled and Kageyama walked, to their shared dorm room. It was across campus so by the time they go to their room Hinata was shivering despite the warmth the alcohol coursing through his veins was providing.

 

Hinata stripped out of his clothes and hit the bed with a sigh.  
Kageyama left the room, Hinata knew not where or why but the temptation of falling asleep was too much and his lids began closing slowly. 

He jolted up at the sound of a glass hitting his bedside table. Kageyama had set down a glass of water.

“You should probably drink that before you sleep.” He muttered as he stripped off his socks, then his shirt, and lastly his pants. He pulled on soft flannel pyjama pants but opted for no shirt, as it was quite warm in their room. He could feel Hinata’s eyes on him and the blush of embarrassment creeping up his neck.

“Just drink the water Hinata.” He said stronger this time, and Hinata leapt to complete the task. Three minutes and the glass hit the table again, empty but for a small drop of water at the bottom. Hinata settled into his sheets again.

Kageyama was sitting up in bed sketching again but Hinata didn’t have the energy to stay up and try to talk to him. He wanted to ask what Kageyama was drawing but he didn’t want to ruin the focused look on the other boys face. 

He mumbled a goodnight to Kageyama and curled up under the covers, where sleep took him. He wasn’t sure if the soft “goodnight” he heard was already in a dream, but he smiled anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read the first chapter and have decided to continue with this fic! I'm feeling really rusty in my writing so the confidence isn't really there for me yet but I'm gonna try to push myself and create something the fandom can enjoy.
> 
> The title of this chapter is from Smother by Daughter and was actually the line that inspired this fic!


	3. In silence, eyes wide

Over the next few months Kageyama and Hinata become a bit of a package deal. Where Hinata goes, Kageyama follows and vice versa. They complete each other in an odd way, Hinata picking up on where Kageyama needs him to come into the situation and make a joke or just captivate the interest of whomever Kageyama was struggling to communicate with. Having lunch together has become a tradition that neither is willing to break. Sure, Hinata can get to be a bit too much at once for Kageyama but he’s learned that he can just say it straight to the shorter boys face and he won’t be offended. Sometimes people look at them in shock when Kageyama hits Hinata upside the head and calls him an idiot. By now Hinata kind of knows it just means Kageyama’s trying to look out for him. In the friendliest way possible, of course.

The only development in their relationship that Hinata is not okay with is their increased physical contact. Its friendly, nothing less, but for Hinata it begins feeling more and more like something designed to torture him. Kageyama might pat him on the back or set a hand on his thigh for a minute, and Hinata loves it. Then, he feels bad about feeling that way about Kageyama who is quickly becoming his best friend. The guilt however doesn’t stop his body from responding to the touches as it wants to. Craving for more, Hinata has tried to keep it casual by just mirroring what Kageyama does. He doesn’t trust himself to be able to initiate contact that would seem friendly and nothing more.

Or well, he doesn’t trust himself to initiate contact most of the time. Then, there’s the times when he’s drunk. It normally ends up with him just hugging Kageyama for a bit too long, or being just a bit too clingy, and then regretting it for the next week. The fear of Kageyama seeing him for what he is, a creep who has a crush on his best friend, seeps in stronger after every accidentally intimate touch. Some days Hinata feels so tightly strung that he can’t even see Kageyama in the morning without jerking off in the shower first. He’s become quite the master of sneaking out early and inconspicuously. Of course, his early morning shower sessions do nothing to ease his sense of guilt when the only pictures he can imagine are those of Kageyama’s long fingers on him, around him, his larger body pinning Hinata down. 

The blissfully unaware look on Kageyama’s face every morning when he greets Hinata is just enough to keep him feeling like he’s gonna get away with it, and so the cycle never ends. Sometimes he makes the mistake of wondering if Kageyama ever jerks off. Really, he’s a young man, surely he has needs? This train of thought never leads anywhere good either, with Hinata imagining Kageyama’s intense face breaking slowly as his hands dip below the waistband of his boxers. He almost allows himself these thoughts, just because he knows they are all he will ever get. He will never get to see Kageyama come undone, so he can’t get too angry at himself for wanting to enjoy the next best thing.

 

Another thing that Hinata has noticed about Kageyama, to add to the list of insufferably cute things that also make him really sexually frustrated, is that he chews his pencil. Or, well, not so much chew as hold to his lips when he’s thinking, his lower lip dipping just a bit lower and leaving a gap between his upper and lower lip. Without even meaning to he drives Hinata crazy in yet another way. He regularly also imagines what Kageyama’s lips feel like. They must be soft, Hinata thinks, because Kageyama sometimes uses chapstick on them. They’re pale pink, matching his pale complexion that is so starkly different to Hinata’s more tanned, freckled skin. 

They mirror each other in so many ways, and Kageyama probably doesn’t even notice. Tonight they mirror each other in a very literal way. Hinata, breath stinking slightly of whiskey, sways a bit sitting cross-legged in front of his bed. Kageyama is across from him in the same position, a light pink dusting his cheeks. They were both, quite surely, drunk. It had been a tough week, just before final exams, and they were both so stressed that when Hinata had taken out a half-finished bottle of whiskey and a few peach schnapps Kageyama had all but scrambled for some release from the confines of his anxiety and worry about the coming week.

So, here they were, sitting opposite each other with an empty bottle between them. It had been Hinata’s idea to play truth or dare. 

“Why are we using a bottle? There’s only two of us.” Kageyama says like he’s trying to understand the thinking of a small child. 

“Do not question the game Kageyama! I know the rules!” Hinata replies with a flourish, pointing his finger towards Kageyama’s face. 

Kageyama complies with a sigh and spins the bottle. It points towards his right side, which is just air, but apparently there is some kind of calculation as to see who’s turn it is. Hinata triumphantly lets him know that he has to pick truth or dare.

“Truth.” Kageyama says, not wanting to embark upon whatever stupid things Hinata might make him do. Even with his brain hazy with alcohol he feels a bit of dread.

“First kiss?” Hinata asks without much preamble. 

Kageyama is quiet for a long moment, the color in his cheeks becoming more evident.

“Um, a girl in my kindergarten when I was 6.” He answers with an air of finality.

“That doesn’t count.” Hinata says after a beat of silence.

“What do you mean it doesn’t count? It’s a kiss.” 

“It has to be a proper kiss ok. Like, tongues and stuff.” Hinata specifies, really just pulling anything he can remember from watching romantic comedies. 

Kageyama is silent for too long. Maybe it was just such a private memory? She must have been really pretty, and really nice for Kageyama to kiss her. Hinata says as much, and Kageyama sputters.

“None okay? My answer is that I’ve had none.” Kageyama finally responds, looking down at his lap in shame. He knows he’s behind everyone in anything to do with girls or intimacy but he can’t help the fact that he just has never felt that kind of attraction to someone. Or well, up until this point. Lately he’s become quite fixated on Hinata’s mouth, the way it stretches around words and goes so wide when he’s yelling but yet so tiny when he’s moping around the room. All of Hinata’s passion is embodied in the way his lips move excitedly and Kageyama has been getting really curious. Still, that curiosity is dampened by his growing confusion about his own sexuality.

Again, silence envelops them. The only sound in the room is the way Hinata is heavily breathing through his mouth because of the alcohol, though Kageyama is sure that his heartbeat must be echoing around the room with the speed that its going at. 

“My turn.” Hinata says, effectively accepting Kageyama’s answer without any more questions. Kageyama thanks the universe that Hinata is drunk, because if he was his usual chipper self Kageyama would not be hearing the end of the numerous questions about his past love life or lack-thereof. 

“I’m doing dare.” He says and waits. Kageyama wracks his brain but there is nothing that he can come up with. He doesn’t really care for pranks or stunts that end up harming the one who does them, and so really the only category he’s left with is the “crude sexual acts” category, and with Hinata already so close and warm and pliable he does not want to dip into that category at all tonight. Or ever. He’d feel like he’d pressured Hinata into something and the guilt would eat away at him forever. No, he was not going to force Hinata to do anything of that nature.

Kageyama was taking too long again. Hinata is trying to decipher the look on his face. Usually the dares in these games was always something to do with kissing or lap-dancing or being in intimate contact with someone in some way. He could understand how picking a dare must’ve been tough for Kageyama, especially since he saw Hinata only as a friend. Every second that passed by made him more and more anxious though, and his resolve was crumbling. Kageyama looked inviting, like a warm bed after a cold walk outside. Like a fireplace he wanted to sit around. The glow of the night-light made his hair look like it was warm too, casting an orange glow on his black locks. 

To hell with it. Hinata would later blame his alcohol muddled mind, but in that moment he felt the bravest he’d felt in a long time. 

“Time’s up. Now I get to decide my own dare.” Hinata says and Kageyama whips his head up. 

“Is that even a real rule?” Kageyama bursts out in disbelief. 

“I don’t care.” Hinata says and suddenly the bottle is set over to the side, and Hinata is on his knees, crawling towards Kageyama. Seconds later his fingers find their way into Kageyama’s hair and Hinata’s mouth is on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahah sorry to leave it on such a cliffhanger but I've planned the next chapter really well and I didn't want this one to be too long so you'll just have to wait for that one to see what happens next :D
> 
> To everyone who's left kudos or a comment, you mean so much! I do this all to please people who love these characters as I do and knowing I've done well makes me feel happy and motivated! *hugs you all*
> 
> (chapter title from Candles by Daughter. They're my inspiration band for this fic ahahah)


	4. I love to watch your body lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a long time. Turns out the first year of university is slightly busier than I thought. Anyway, this week's chapter title is from a song by Years and Years. Hope you enjoy and that it doesn't seem too hurried! I'm rusty again.

Kageyama wakes up to a horrible headache. Oh, right, they had been drinking yesterday. He tries to remember what happened. Then it hits him.

Holy shit. He had kissed Hinata. Or rather, Hinata had kissed him. He was pretty sure he hadn’t pressured Hinata into anything, but his roommate was probably just doing what he expected was normal in a game of truth and dare. But man, that kiss had been nice. It was Kageyama’s first, no question about that, but Hinata’s kiss had exuded experience. After the initial shock he had just let Hinata do what he wanted, too drunk to care about what his mind was telling him to freak out about. Hinata felt good, Hinata’s lips felt good, and he wanted to let himself enjoy this one good thing.

The kiss hadn’t really lasted that long before Hinata had pulled away, looking rather shy. Kageyama was sure he was going to say something important, but when he looked at Hinata with questioning eyes the boy replied with: “Your turn.”

The game didn’t continue for long, neither of their hearts truly in it anymore. They crawled into bed around one in the morning after drinking way too much water.

 

Now Kageyama was awake, and his mind scrambled to make sense of his feelings. Hinata was still fast asleep in his own bed, thank god for that. Kageyama got up, made his way to the communal showers and decided to worry about this later. But much to his chagrin pushing Hinata out of his head was easier said than done. 

He returned to the room with his towel wrapped around his waist. Hinata was awake, and perked up from under the covers when Kageyama stepped inside. 

“Good morning!” Hinata said brightly, and Kageyama wondered if he remembered anything from the previous night. His question was easily answered when Hinata got up and walked over, reached up on his toes and planted his lips on Kageyama’s for a good morning kiss. 

Kageyama stood there, too stunned to reciprocate. 

“What’s wrong Kageyama?” Hinata asked after letting Kageyama go, seeming honestly confused.

Kageyama shook his head and muttered “nothing” and dove back down towards Hinata. The smaller boys enthusiasm showed as he crowded Kageyama towards his bed. Kageyama was just trying his best to keep up with Hinata’s enthusiasm but, he was still only wearing his towel and the possible repercussions of that became all too evident as Kageyama sat down on the bed and Hinata straddled his hips. He didn’t want to go too fast with this because he didn’t even know how he felt about boys, let alone Hinata who was his best friend, but at the same time this felt so good and so right and he’d be a fool to stop. 

It took a few more minutes of Hinata glued to his chest, nipping at his collarbone for it to become too much. Kageyama separated from Hinata carefully with an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry, I got a lot of work to do today for this weeks exam and –“

“No no its okay, I have to study too.” Hinata replied brightly. Kageyama was so glad that his unwillingness to continue had been successfully masked as worry for his exam. He didn’t want Hinata to feel like he didn’t want the other boy but they were going a tad too fast for him. But that’s just who Hinata was, he was fast and bright and everything all at once and it was overwhelming.

 

Kageyama spent most of his day at the library studying or pretending to study and thinking about what the hell he was going to do with the situation going on with Hinata. He felt like laughing at himself as he realised that essentially what he was dealing with was his mind telling him no but his body telling him yes. He remembered when people used to use those specific song lyrics in lower school, but never thought he’d be in a situation like this where it would be applicable to his life. He wasn’t getting anything done anymore so he gathered up his things and went back to his room. Hinata was there, laying on his stomach reading something from a huge book in front of him. He looked back and smiled as Kageyama quietly shut the door behind him.

“How did your day go?” Hinata asked after a moment of silence, clearly dying to talk to someone after a day of reading and writing.

“It was alright. I was just in the library.” Kageyama shrugged as he put down his bag and looked into his closet for anything more comfortable to wear than the skinny jeans he was wearing.

As he began to turn around to go sit on his bed he felt Hinata behind him, the smaller boy almost hovering with anticipation. They were faced with each other and Hinata wasted no time pulling Kageyama down for a deep kiss. He sure didn’t lack any skills in initiating physical contact, Kageyama thought to himself as he struggled to keep up with Hinata. 

“Wait, can we-“ he tried interjecting but Hinata wasn’t listening, he was too intent on kissing his way down from Kageyama’s ear to his collar bone.

Only as Kageyama forcefully pushed Hinata away did the shorter boy realise something was wrong. Had he come on too strong? He knew he could be a lot sometimes but he thought Kageyama felt the same way he did. That they had something new and exciting here. Sure, they hadn’t talked about it but not everything needed to be discussed.

“I’m sorry. I just need time, please?” Kageyama said into the silence that had gathered between them as they both caught their breath. 

“Ok.” Hinata said and walked back to his bed. If Kageyama needed time he would give Kageyama time. But he couldn’t wait forever, and he didn’t even know what Kageyama needed time for. They liked each other, so what was the problem?

Kageyama had always been bad at sharing his feelings, and now that the situation was something that concerned the most personal aspects of him he was feeling unsure. He didn’t want to fuck up his friendship with Hinata in case it turns out he wasn’t into Hinata after all. For all he knew his body could just be reacting to being intimate with someone for the first time and it didn’t matter who it was. Kageyama’s inexperience with all of this was frustrating.

The rest of the night was spent in silence, both boys working on their own things until Kageyama turned off the lamp on his desk and settled into bed. He wished Hinata a good night and drifted off to sleep as Hinata grunted a reply.

 

Kageyama was now fast asleep and Hinata couldn’t stop his mind from thinking too much. Why was Kageyama resisting? What had lead him to believe that the taller boy was interested in him? He had seemed to be into their first kiss but then again they were drunk and Hinata had kind of crowded him. Maybe Kageyama was just trying to be nice but he didn’t actually like Hinata at all. Kageyama might not even be into guys! Maybe Hinata was forcing himself on his best friend! No wonder Kageyama needed time, Hinata had been a total creep! He now knew what he had to do. He was going to wake up tomorrow morning and apologise to Kageyama for everything and tell him they were just friends. Kageyama didn’t need to feel guilty for turning Hinata down because its not like they were in a relationship or anything. Hinata had just gotten a bit overexcited and Kageyama was too polite to straight up reject him. This would all be solved in the morning and Hinata could move on and find someone who liked him back.

 

The next morning Hinata is awake earlier than Kageyama, which is a surprise. He waits for the older boy to wake up and after a tortorous half hour wait Kageyama rubs his eyes open. Before he can even properly get up Hinata is already talking.

“So, I know that you said you needed time and it made me think and I realise that I had probably been misinterpreting a lot of things so, we can just be friends now! Forget about it all.”

Kageyama didn’t know what to say. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted, but at the same time there was a nagging feeling that this wasn’t gonna be good enough for Kageyama. He was unsure of the strength of his feelings towards Hinata but he was pretty sure there were some.

He let out a sound of agreement. “Yeah, um, that sounds good I guess. Thanks for clearing that up.” 

Hinata seemed satisfied enough with his answer and went about his morning activities, leaving for the library soon after getting dressed. Kageyama still hadn’t quite wrapped is head around everything. He hadn’t equated needing time with meaning he didn’t like Hinata at all but, if this was what Hinata wanted it was better for them. It would be awkward to let it go further if Hinata wasn’t actually into him.

Now that the weight of his confusion with Hinata had been lifted off he could actually think about his sexuality without fear of involving his best friend. So far, the tally was in favour of liking guys, but maybe that’s just because there wasn’t many girls in his past school. 

It seemed like a sign from the heavens when that guy Oikawa he had met at the party sent him a text. He was asking if he could come hang out in Kageyama’s room for a while. He saw no harm in accepting the request, maybe hanging out with someone who was not Hinata would help clear his mind.

Oikawa arrived and they sat on Kageyama’s bed, talking about volleyball which again was a surprising factor connecting the two. Kageyama could tell Oikawa was trying to flirt with him but he didn’t really know how to react. All of his firsts so far had been with Hinata and he didn’t know if his attraction to guys went further than one individual. So, he blushed and changed the topic everytime, though Oikawa was slowly getting closer and closer to him on the bed. 

He was showing Oikawa some of his sketches after the brown haired boy had requested to see some, and as he leaned forward to flip the page he knew something was going to happen. There was tension in the air and he didn’t really know how to expel it. No sooner than he had finished his thought Oikawa’s hand was at the back of his neck, the other on his cheek and the taller boy was kissing him. Kageyama was too stunned to reciprocate before he could pull away the door slammed open and Hinata walked in, mid-sentence into a story he had clearly started telling as he was opening the door.

Kageyama pulled away from Oikawa but it was too late, Hinata had seen them kiss. The shorter boys’ face visibly fell. So, clearly Kageyama did like guys after all, just not guys like Hinata.


End file.
